So, what does that mean? Well, I have recently been introduced to my 30s and what I have already learned is that there is no need to be unclear about what I need from a partner. If they do not have the capacity or desire to align with the expectations I have for my life, that is not their fault nor is it up to me to find excuses of why I should continue to waste our collective time.
This is not easy. I had a massive amount of work to do. So many of us will throw our own needs into a fiery pit, if it gets in the way of connecting with a cute guy, also referred to as one's "type. Before you know it, as you continue to practice this type of self-sabotage, you will begin trading in your needs for any kind of guy, as long as he offers you some attention. How pathetic is that? A better question though is, why would we even do this to ourselves?
Well, you know that secret you have or those things that you are insecure about? It is time to make peace, guys. It is imperative that you free yourself from future pain by dealing with your own shit now. Think about it. If you deal with your own baggage, don't you think you'd be less likely to settle for someone who will attempt to unload theirs onto you? Tell the truth and I promise it will set you free. This may mean talking with a therapist or staying single for a bit longer, but it may be just what you need to change your dating pathology.
I know for sure that it's what you need to transform your life.
How being a gay man can make your body issues worse
Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect.
It is that simple. Also when on a date, there will always be a moment when you look around to see if anyone is looking if you want to kiss the guy, not as much now but at times I do get a little self-aware. I have felt this uncomfortable feeling of being judged, this is mostly being judged by myself.
I was not comfortable in my own skin as I do not I think I have fully accepted who I am, a gay man living in this world. The feeling came from my stomach and it felt like shame.
Self-conscious and insecure about dating gay - Premier Tattoo Supplies
This feeling was no way near the height as to what it was years ago but still I felt it cast a shadow over me. Only until recently whenever I went home to Mayo to visit my family I would be asked am I seeing anyone. I would feel uncomfortable and try to change the subject. For the love of God man I say to myself, why are you getting embarrassed?
No one cares yet you are making a bigger deal out of this in your own head. So from then on I answered honestly and tell them before they asked me that yes, I was dating this great guy and the embarrassed feelings would subside and I would feel more relaxed. The word was shameful, disgusting, negative and even at a young age I felt connected to that word.
I knew from a very early age I was gay so my earliest beliefs of myself were negative, shameful, disgusting and then my anxiety and shyness developed. As I look back I always thought my anxiety and shameful feelings started in secondary school when the bullying happened but now I can see this went back much further.
Then I started Irish dancing with the rest of the kids, all the lads hated it, I loved it, I was really good at it but I felt embarrassed, look at the gay boy Irish dancing. I went to competitions at primary school and won medals and trophies, I felt so proud of myself, so happy but shameful.
I knew this looked gay and the kids were judging me so I just stopped after primary school. I stopped something I loved so that I could fit in. Even by pretending to like things I hated other kids still picked up on my gayness, my differences. I looked like the other guys but I was different, I was gay, I stood out to them and they hated me. The overwhelming feeling of shame went so deep into my soul and has been hiding there ever since. Every night as a kid I would go to bed and pray to God to please let me be like the rest of the boys, let me fit in, please God let them leave me alone, let me fade into the background.
Shame makes me feel less than, not good enough, not handsome enough, not smart enough. Once that thought enters my mind then there is this wave of emotion that can take your breath away. So I had to really face this monster in the face and stare him square in the eye and feel those horrendous feelings I was trying to run away from. By facing this deep rooted pain the monster now has shrunk in size. Shame does not bring me down as he once has but at times he does creep up.
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